D&D Stats Explained with Tomatoes

twistedviper:

raktajino-hot:

corruptionpoints:

mindchildofmadness submits:

Strength is being able to crush a tomato.

Dexterity is being able to dodge a tomato.

Constitution is being able to eat a bad tomato.

Intelligence is knowing a tomato is a fruit.

Wisdom is knowing not to put a tomato in a fruit salad.

Charisma is being able to sell a tomato based fruit salad.

(Source)

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If I stop reblogging this assume I’m dead

On Ep. 1 of Working, Slate’s David Plotz talks with Stephen Colbert on how he puts his show together and turns himself from Stephen Colbert into the character “Stephen Colbert.”

This is a REALLY in depth walk-through of a regular Stephen Colbert day. …I also have no clue when he has time to BREATHE.

bedlamsbard:

I need to do homework and instead I’m doing my hair.  Typical.  (I found a really great handmaiden battle hair pic on my phone, but I can’t figure out how I managed to make it look so good.)

Just out of curiosity, do you know about Janet Stephens? I remembered this video on the Vestal Virgins hairstyle; when you mentioned hair plus remembering your language focus, I got curious.

happy fucking halloween

bloodstainbowbarnacle:

mercurialmalcontent:

jumpingjacktrash:

i dreamed the beginning of what could be a sorta interesting take on the zombie genre. i’m not gonna write it, tho, so i might as well tumblr it.

it was a virus that came from mice. i think it was a mutation of rabies. patient zero was a grad student studying animal behavior; she was testing whether tolerance of humans could be learned by observation. she had a batch of wild mice she’d hand-raised, and another batch of the same species recently caught as adults, and let the second group observe the first group get food and pettins, and documented how long it took the second group to be willing to take food from her. at least, that was the idea, but the wild-caught mice started eating each other, and when she tried to put them in separate containers she got bitten. and within hours she was ripping her friends’ faces off.

and then it was revealed that this had happened in 1928, in a small desert town. the town was wiped out, but zombies aren’t great at operating motor vehicles, most people didn’t really keep in touch with the rest of the world via phone or anything, and there was no interstate highway system yet, so the infection didn’t get out. by the time anyone investigated, the zombies had dessicated into a torpor state and were indistinguishable from their victims. they were bulldozed into a mass grave and forgotten.

then in modern times, one of those history/archaeology reality shows digs up the mass grave, investigating what really killed the town of whatever-it-was — a bad strain of influenza, as the official story said, or something more sinister? — and some of the now-mostly-just-bones zombies get reconstituted and the epidemic is on.

our hero, the dead grad student, was not one of the ones that got woken up. she’s been experiencing some kind of almost like a shamanic trance this whole time, her spirit drifting around the desert learning things from ghosts. she was enjoying it, had made peace with what happened. but when this happens, she reanimates her body through sheer willpower. she’s no longer a zombie, exactly; she isn’t eating flesh to restore her semblance of life (these zombies are also a little like vampires, the more flesh they eat the more alive they look) so she’s still a skeleton, she’s just walking and talking by sheer ghost power. she manages to get a few of her friends — whom she killed and turned back when it started, but they’re not bitter — to join her in this wise skeleton ghost state, and together they try to stop the zombie plague that was unleashed from their graves.

wait.

holy shit.

i just came up with a plot for the skeleton war.

jesus christ. my subconscious is awesome.

Holy shit, Jesse, you are a phenomenon.

Oh my goodness.

Kinda reminds me of Last Blood, which is a compliment, I assure you. You sure you don’t want to write it? Otherwise, I’d say let it into the wild for someone to NaNoWriMo that, that’s an awesome plot.

(I already have a plot I’ve been planning for a month, otherwise I’d be on that like white on rice.)

onlylolgifs:

baby arctic fox tries to eat a man alive

bloodstainbowbarnacle:

rafi-dangelo:

"Omelette" by Madeline Sharafian, Cal Arts 2013.

Adorable.  Everything is so perfect — the animation, the story, the music — and it’s my favorite little short on the Internet right now.  I wish Madeline Sharafian had more clips on her Vimeo, but Acorn is definitely worth a quick viewing.

This is just so cute though!  I wish I had a dog who would do that for me.  And by dog I mean human man about 5’11” with good taste in television and a nice butt.

oh man, this cheers me up every time.

oh, this is very cute.

So I end up on the MSPA front page, since I needed to check something, and the Caliborn page template is a little unhelpful. Then I noticed the links under the Latest Pages.
(if this changes, this was taken at 8:20pm EST, Oct 20)

So I end up on the MSPA front page, since I needed to check something, and the Caliborn page template is a little unhelpful. Then I noticed the links under the Latest Pages.

(if this changes, this was taken at 8:20pm EST, Oct 20)

jumpingjacktrash:

disneyismyescape:

cybercum:

glitterweave:

what th efuck 

watch this please you will not regret it

whatever you think you’re about to watch is not going to be what you actually watch

what the hell this is hilarious

(Source: kisu-no-hi)

creeproll:

I’ve literally been laughing at this for the past five minutes

creeproll:

I’ve literally been laughing at this for the past five minutes

(Source: grantofalltrades)

mechinaries:

magical creatures helping other magical creatures (✿◡‿◡)

purified-zone said: i can't fucking believe it's only now that i realize that dave and rose are poe and lovecraft. god damn it.

zenosanalytic:

*thinks for a second*

  1. Dave: Corvids, neurosis, poetry/music, uncomfortable incest thoughts, Time obsession, nostalgia/regret, Blood squick
  2. Rose: Eldritch horrors, ancient gods, vampires, dark majyyks, literary, obsession with the alien, obsession with the dark and hidden

Oh Wow :|

*slides purified-zone an entire plateful of e-cookies*

epistemologicalfallacy:

stunningpicture:

Game camera captures a raccoon party underneath malfunctioning deer feeder

now THIS is my kind of party

epistemologicalfallacy:

stunningpicture:

Game camera captures a raccoon party underneath malfunctioning deer feeder

now THIS is my kind of party

Anonymous said: I'm not saying white privilege doesn't exist on a global scale, it does. It just bothers me when Americans try to dictate other people's identifies when they know nothing about their country, or their people's struggles, or treat everyone as though they're American/responsible for American issues, while at the same time not caring at all about issues in other countries.

benchflip:

stirringwind:

spookyunity:

stirringwind:

that imo is “American privilege”- it’s a problem here on tumblr. Like yeah, to my American followers, I know lots of you try to learn and I wouldn’t generalise to say all Americans do this- but there’s a big problem especially amongst popular social justice blogs here.

What is very disturbing about the tumblr social justice discourse is that a lot of popular US social justice bloggers like to splatter the US categorisation of race and understanding of racism over the rest of the world. Race, and racism- are both social creations. Therefore, it only makes sense that they can vary from society to society. Here are some issues:

1. Things like insisting that white people cannot face racism in the world. I’m sorry, but I can tell you that’s BULLSHIT in Europe, at least. How people are othered operates differently sometimes. It’s pretty obvious I have Chinese ancestry, for example, but I speak fluent English. That often makes me seem more assimilated and less of an “Other” in the UK, than the immigrant worker from Poland whose accent is plainly obvious. Do Chinese people face racism in the UK? I’m sure they do sometimes.

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  • But my point is that the way xenophobia and hostility is targeted isn’t always based on skin colour. The Holocaust, the Nazis’ deliberate starvation and mistreatment of Soviet soldiers, the genocide of Bosnians by Serbians are all instances where genocide was committed against people who WOULD be racialised as “white” in the US, who were genetically European. I will seriously throttle anyone who dares to suggest no racism is involved or tries to literally posthumously say claim the victims are “POC” to fit their narrative that global oppression is “White people oppressing POC!!!” ( E.g “Bosnians were not really white because they were Muslims.” WRONG. Genetically they are Slavic people- like Russians, Ukrainians…and Serbians themselves). There was more about cultural otherness, religious divisions at play here, about Serbian nationalism really, rather than seeing Bosnians as “less white”.

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Bosnian Muslims in concentration camps in the 1990s 

  • The experiences of “white people” are far from universal AND they can be very familiar with racism, oppression and marginalisation. I mean like try telling a recent Russian immigrant to the US who was descended from Russian serfs that he has MORAL RESPONSIBILITY for slavery in the US? Geez. Yes, maybe he’d benefit from “white privilege” but to say his ancestors benefited from it would be nonsensical when they were getting similarly abused by landowners in the 1800s Imperial Russia. Please tell me how a US POC is necessarily always more familiar with oppression than a Polish person or German whose family lived under Soviet authoritarianism right up till 1989, who lived in fear of the Stasi, aka the East German secret police?

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An extremely privileged, white Russian serf girl listening as two landowners bargain over how much they want to pay for her.

  • This is an example of ridiculous mental gymnastics to maintain the “White people oppress POC!!!” paradigm.

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Haha, ok. So this person (it’s a US blogger) has proclaimed Ashkenazim are not white. Alright, how about some…experts? Like real Ashkenazi Jewish people?

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  • How about this other Jewish person’s opinion? 

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  • See? The “wtf Ashkenazim aren’t white they will slap you” person was American-splaining (yes, they are American) European race categories with clearly a US-centric understanding of race and subconscious failure to realise for Ashkenazi Jewish people, the definition of whiteness CAN FLUCTUATE in the US vs Europe. I understand that how Jewish people conceptualise identity can vary and may not fall neatly into “whiteness” or “non-white”. But the quarrel I have with that comment is because it’s obvious that person completely refused to countenance the notion that those people murdered in the Holocaust could be “white” because they don’t want to think about the complexity of racism around the world, they just want to perpetuate the narrative that racism globally is “white people oppress POC!!!” And that’s wrong, if you are gonna distort and step on other victims’ experiences for your own ends, no matter how noble your own cause is.
  • (Btw, MANY Ashkenazi Americans identify and do look “white” in the US.) Genetically, studies show they’ve enormous amounts of European ancestry because it seems European Jewish communities were formed from constant intermarriage with European women for CENTURIES, before they started to marry within the community. Just imagine how minimal their non-European heritage might be by then- 80% of Ashkenazim can trace their maternal line to prehistoric Europe. See why oversimplifying Nazi racism as “less-white” is kind of a wrong paradigm to understand it? And how it’s kind of wrong if you are so insistent on denying “white people” can face racism when we are not talking about neo-Nazis saying “white genocide!!!” about immigration, but real crimes against people?

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2. “POC” cannot be racist. Sure. I’m laughing. I guess it wasn’t racism AT ALL when officers in the Imperial Japanese Army said they saw Chinese people as “subhuman”. When one of my family’s most awful experience of imperialism was under the Empire of Japan during World War 2. Where Chinese people were buried alive and experimented on. Young men executed en masse. Women forced to become “comfort women” (aka forced prostitution) to service the Imperial Japanese Army. So, my teenage grandmother bound her chest, cut her hair and rubbed her face with ash- and spent the entire time disguised as a boy in order that she wouldn’t be raped. All war crimes the Japanese government doesn’t want to apologise for even till today.

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How about the fact that the people of a group who were victimised at one point can also have racist and discriminatory policies themselves?

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And hurt their OWN people too?

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Purges during the Chinese "Cultural Revolution".

  • So, saying “POC” cannot be racist (or oppressive in general) is offensive precisely because it lets governments who haven’t apologised off the hook. Because, hooray, all racism and oppression only comes from what is the US understanding of “white people” (European origin?) ! How about Ottoman Turkey’s genocide of 1 million+++ Armenians, Greeks and Assyrians? (Greeks! “White” victims at the hands of “non-white” people? I know, shocking, but it has happened. Also, it’s another debate whether Turkey can be so easily be considered “non-European”.) Hideous things like forced death marches to the desert. If what the white settlers did to the Native Americans is genocide, what the Ottoman Empire did to their Christian subjects sure as hell is genocide too. Like you know what, yes I’m glad Turkey criticises Israel for its policies towards Palestinians which indeed look like ethnic cleansing- but at the same time…I think, “what about you? When are YOU going to admit those 1 million people were murdered because you wanted to exterminate them?”

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Wanna bet that anon earlier doesn’t know who this guy is? He’s Mehmet Talaat Pasha btw, Grand Vizier of the Ottoman Empire and chief architect of the Armenian genocide.

  • How about the “Death Railway”, where plenty of “white” POWS died working in conditions of near slavery building a railway line for the Empire of Japan, treated no better than the Asian labourers working alongside them?

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  • That’s why the term “POC” doesn’t speak much of solidarity to me with that kind of history. Outside the US…it’s very often meaningless. In Europe, it’s already problematic because it obscures inter-European racism, and in countries where non-European people are a majority, some of the worst things we have suffered were by the hands of other “POC”. And that is exactly why the term “POC” and the entire “white people oppress POC” dichotomy SHOULD NOT be indiscriminately spilled all over non-US contexts and pre-US history.

3. If you’re an American person of colour, I’m going ask you, as a non-American and fellow non-white person, to think twice about trying to claim solidarity with all non-white people around the world and blaming all problems like modern capitalism and exploitation on “White supremacy”. Because that is not true, because that is a shameful abdication of recognising our moral culpability in other forms of oppression.

  • Like…US POCs, imo, are quite culpable in US foreign policy imperialism. How can they not be? Many do benefit from America’s political hegemony over the world even if within their country they’re less privileged than white Americans and still face discrimination. But vis a vis some poor person in another country about to be trampled by the boot of US foreign policy, they are privileged. Many US POCs serve in the US Army. The President is a person of colour.
  • One cannot claim equivalency in marginalisation with the Pakistani man whose family was killed in a mistargeted drone strike- because you are a US citizen. Just as I can’t claim I’m somehow as oppressed by capitalist exploitation as those Chinese villagers whose water supply got poisoned by factories making goods for the MNCs. Because although my great grandparents were poor Chinese who left China amidst the strife caused by the Opium Wars, I am not them. I had an infinitely more privileged upbringing, because I am a consumer in the developed world and actually on the other side- the side that in many ways enables oppression. My hands may be clean vis a vis white supremacy, but they ARE NOT when it comes to the way the developing world is exploited. Are wealthy Chinese businesspeople who mistreat their workers free of moral blame?

Are these people

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as underprivileged or institutionally oppressed as these?

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Are these two’s experiences, privilege and power

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EXACTLY the same as these rural Kenyan kids- who are happy that they now have access to clean running water?

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(Yes, Kenya and the African continent as a whole have made great strides. But it is a fact that these children face more challenges and have fewer opportunities and are much less privileged than most Americans.)

NO.

Just because we have been wronged by others in the past doesn’t mean we may not be hurting others now, and that we don’t have a responsibility to stop it. 

It is one thing to talk about your own experiences and raise awareness about the injustices you face. That is great and should be supported. But it is another to step on other victims so your narrative of oppression is the loudest and drowns them all out. Oppression is not a contest, and we can talk about our experiences in SOLIDARITY with one another, recognising that throughout human history, racism and oppression has worn MANY faces around the world- not just white ones.

Lol no white people cannot face racism nice try though

Did you even read my post? I’m guessing not.

Racism is a dynamic between oppressor and oppressed, and yes there is no “reverse racism”, but there are places where other faultlines beyond skin colour exist. Which means people you like to homogenously lump together as “white” actually don’t see themselves uniformly. Just like the Japanese sure as hell didn’t see we Chinese as “yay Eastasians!” during WW2 when they massacred 300,000 people of my ethnic group in Nanking, or how the Rwandan Hutu extremists saw Tutsi as “cockroaches” even though they were both African, even though plenty of Hutu-Tutsi marriages had taken place before the genocide. Unlike the Americas, in Europe, where because a lot of people there are white, other stuff like language, culture, history and geopolitics actually often becomes used as an excuse to murder entire groups of people.

Clearly, you know more about what is or isn’t racism than the law enforcement, than people like the British police- who have dealt with everything from neo-Nazis to attacks on black African immigrants to attacks on Muslims. It’s not like they have the statistics to know there is systemic racism against Poles to arrive at this conclusion or something. It’s not like they’ve had responded to numerous reports of anti-Polish graffiti. It’s not like they know recently, a man got beaten up by 15 people outside a London pub, who yelled “go back to Poland!”

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Clearly, your assessment that white people cannot face racism is more correct than the International Criminal Tribunal for Yugoslavia, which held that the Srebrenica massacre of Bosnians in the 1990s was genocide. Clearly, you know more typing on your blog than these people trained in international law and the genocide convention, than the witnesses who actually dug up all the bodies of the victims in their mass graves.

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Clearly, what the Greeks experienced at the hands of the Ottoman Empire- forced death marches, massacres, summary executions, forced removal from their lands and destruction of the Christian religious symbols was not racism at all. Because, their magical white skin protects them from experiencing racism, and the fact that they were followers of a minority religion in an Islamic country and a minority ethnic group without much institutional power is totally irrelevant.

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Clearly, this Czech Jewish girl, with blonde hair and fair skin, must definitely be a POC since she was murdered in the Holocaust. Her name is Hana Brady, btw. Unless you want to say the Holocaust wasn’t about racism, about Nazi Aryanism. Because racism is only the US flavour of white vs POC, because other forms like Aryanism don’t exist. Nevermind how often the Nazis called Jewish people “vermin” and “subhuman” and an “inferior race” and the Holocaust a “purification” of Germany.

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Clearly, white people cannot face racism even though the Holocaust is an internationally-recognised genocide. Because you say so. Or are European Jewish people all “POC”? Hmm? This is amazing. I’m glad the most major genocide in the 20th century wasn’t about racism after all. Humans aren’t so bad after all!

You may also want to share your amazing findings with historians, human rights lawyers and legal scholars regarding the way the Nazis  deliberately starved and abused Soviet POWs to the extent 60% died in custody, compared to less than 5% for British and Americans. Cos, y’know, they think it is genocide. Cos historians know about Generalplan Ost, and how the Nazis elaborated how they intended to exterminate Eastern Europe of Slavic people to increase German living space.

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Or alternatively, you may wanna tell these Russian soldiers that you have just discovered they are not white after all, that they are POC, since racism cannot happen to white people.

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Or you can do the easy thing which is to take off your American-centric lens, realise there is a whole different world outside the US and Canada, and recognise that racial Othering and discrimination doesn’t always function based on skin colour differences.

Thank you. Thank you so much.

missmonstermel:

andrewmar:

ooftheblog:

Latest 6-pager.

BRO

This is amazing.

*headtilt* The amount of meaning you can tease out of this is mindblowing.